Self-care is not Selfish.

Self-care and Empathy.

If you are a deeply empathetic person, you feel for people much more than the average person does. You naturally put yourself in other people’s shoes and help them carry emotional burdens. It turns out these feelings are so intense they affect your immune system.

Recent studies show that though deeply empathetic parents tend to have a greater sense of purpose and higher self esteem, there is a down side to it. Empathetic parents showed signs of systemic inflammation in their cells. The article from Quartz states:

Researchers surveyed 247 pairs of parents and their adolescent children on how often and to what degree parents could understand their children’s feelings and respond with appropriate concern. They also took blood samples. Empathetic parents and their children were both better off psychologically. Children of empathetic parents also showed lower levels of inflammatory markers. Their parents were just the opposite. Their samples revealed this low-grade systemic inflammation.

Why Empathy Can Affect Your Health.

The article from Quartz offered a reason for the negative health effect:

Empathy requires us to push our own feelings aside to focus on someone else’s, an effort linked to increased stress and higher inflammation. Empathetic parents may also be more willing to sacrifice their own health for their children’s sake, forgoing things like sleep, exercise, and other activities that could mitigate the stress of caregiving.

Self-care and Care-giving Balance

No loving empathetic parent wants to be told to show less empathy towards their children. I believe showing empathy is vital to raising well-rounded compassionate children who are not self absorbed. On the other hand, I have come to learn the value of taking time to care for myself.

The solution presented by the lead author of the study?

Family therapy often counsels parents on how to be more empathetic, given the enormous benefit to children. But if that emotional effort comes at a physical cost, parents need to be taught how to care for themselves too, said Erika M. Manczak, a Northwestern psychology graduate student and the lead author of both studies.

“Things like getting enough sleep, exercising, and reducing stress are all related to these types of immune processes,” Manczak told Quartz. “It’s not selfish for parents to make time for those things—it’s actually critical for their own mental and physical health.”

Three Self-care Zones Worth Guarding

Exercise

No matter how busy you are, taking the time to exercise is so important. This is such a major challenge for parents of young children and caregivers in general. The benefits of regular exercise are exponentially worth every effort. Exercises will improve your health,lift your spirits, help you focus better and give you that extra edge you need to thrive.

Sleep

We all know we need adequate sleep in order to function well. Putting that into practice is a whole different issue. Many people are downright sleep deprived! So many studies show that people who don’t get at least 7 hours of sleep don’t function at their best.

A word of encouragement for parents of newborns : You will sleep again. It doesn’t seem like it right now, but your baby will eventually allow you to sleep again. In the meantime,take naps when you can!

Find ways to schedule in those 8 hours of sleep and you will see your body start to function differently. A good night sleep will improve your general physical and emotional well-being..

Okay, so I kind of knew all that already. But when I discovered adequate sleep (not oversleeping for 10 hours) will actually help me in my weight-loss process, I began to pay attention. Apparently a well rested body will get rid of more fat than a sleep-deprived body.

Reflection

A reflective life enables you to learn from your past and gain a fresh perspective for the future.Today we are so bombarded by media,it takes extra effort to hear your own thoughts. As a mother of very active, “conversational” girls, it’s hard for me to find time to reflect. Because I now realize how important this is, I’m training them to give mommy time to reflect.

This is my time to pray, read, plan and just enjoy a complete uninterrupted thought process. Otherwise, this is my usual thought process when my kids are around: “I wonder if (….but mommy) moving this ( but mom, I saw it first) appointment( she is breathing on me) to next week means(can I turn the stove on?)……. forget it”.

Whatever way you can schedule reflection time, do it at time when you are most awake and allow your thoughts to flow freely. You will be amazed at how much you can accomplish by being reflective.

Journey To Wellness

On my journey to wellness, I’m learning the difference between self care and selfishness. If it’s something self-serving and trivial, it’s probably selfish and I need to fix that. If it’s something beneficial to my general well-being or that of the family as a whole, it’s probably self-care and so it goes on my priority list. This often means saying “no” to really good things for the sake of doing something more beneficial. I’m good with saying “no” because I know I’m worth the time spent on my self-care.