Abedini’s godly response to abuse in her marriage.

Abuse: The dirty secret in many marriages

Many of us have been praying for Pastor Abedini Saeed for years! He was imprisoned for his faith in Iran for three and half years. The news of his release sent incredible joy to many prayer warriors through out the world. His wife Naghmeh Abedini advocated for her husbands release and prayed until it happened. What most of us didn’t know was the psychological abuse that happened in their marriage, before and after Pastor Saeed was imprisoned.

Naghmeh had kept this side of her marriage under cover until she couldn’t live with the lie any more. She has since filed a domestic relations case against her husband. A few days ago on January 27 2016, Naighmeh wrote the following on her facebook page.

Godly response to Abuse

I am so thankful for the thousands of people who have responded to my pleas and helped work toward Saeed’s release. His imprisonment was unjust, and was an extremely difficult ordeal for him and all of us who sought for his release. I worked tirelessly night and day toward that end for three-and-a-half years. Nothing has made me happier than seeing Saeed freed from his chains and in American soil. Thank you for all of you who stood with us and made this happen.
I do deeply regret that I hid from the public the abuse that I have lived with for most of our marriage and I ask your forgiveness. I sincerely had hoped that this horrible situation Saeed has had to go through would bring about the spiritual change needed in both of us to bring healing to our marriage.
Tragically, the opposite has occurred. Three months ago Saeed told me things he demanded I must do to promote him in the eyes of the public that I simply could not do any longer. He threatened that if I did not the results would be the end of our marriage and the resulting pain this would bring to our children.
I long more than anyone for reconciliation for our family and to be united as a family. Since Saeed’s freedom I have wanted nothing more than to run to him and welcome him home It is something I dreamed about the last 3.5 years. But unfortunately things did not work out that way and our family has to work through reconciliation. I want our reconciliation to be strictly based on God’s Word. I want us to go through counseling, which must first deal with the abuse. Then we can deal with the changes my husband and I must both make moving forward in the process of healing our marriage.
In very difficult situations sometimes you have to establish boundaries while you work toward healing. I have taken temporary legal action to make sure our children will stay in Idaho until this situation has been resolved. I love my husband, but as some might understand, there are times when love must stop enabling something that has become a growing cancer. We cannot go on the way it has been. I hope and pray our marriage can be healed. I believe in a God who freed Saeed from the worst prisons can hear our plea and bring spiritual freedom.
I love you all. God will see us through. Thank you for your prayers and support. We need them more than ever.
Love Naghmeh

I chose to highlight her response in my post today because there are so many Christian women out there who are covering up physical and psychological abuse, because they think it’s the Christian thing to do. The godly response is what Nagmeh has so openly displayed for us. Holding your husband accountable for his abuse and setting up boundaries is the godly thing to do. I certainly don’t know the details of this family’s private life, but as a Christian wife, I applaud her strength and godly stance.

Abuse is abuse, whether he hits you or not. Christian women tend to confuse allowing abuse with submission. A Christian wife’s  submission is to be as unto the Lord, and the Lord never abuses His bride. God hates abuse ! “The Lord examines the righteous, but the wicked and those who love violence his soul hates“ Ps 11:5

Safety Strategy

If you are going through Psychological or Physical abuse, please seek help.

I found some helpful steps from Womenshealth.gov

Here are some the steps they recommend you take , if you are being abused.

Consider these steps if you are in an abusive situation:
If you are in immediate danger, call for police or medical help
If you are hurt, go to a local hospital emergency room.
Get familiar with the National Domestic violence procedures in your country.
Plan ahead and think of a safe place to go.
Look have a local places to get help.
Keep important documentation handy e.g your marriage license and birth certificates.
Always have some cash and a cell phone handy.
Create a code word to use with friends and family to let them know you are in danger. If possible, agree on a secret location where they can pick you up.
When you leave, try to bring any evidence of abuse, like threatening notes from your partner or copies of police reports.
Reach out to someone you trust — a family member, friend, co-worker, or spiritual leader.
Look into ways to get emotional help, like a support group or mental health professional.

You can find the complete a list and definitions of physical and psychological abuse on  Women’shealth Website

I do realize that men do get abused too and the godly response is the same. Let the abuser be held accountable. Let us be our brother’s and sister’s keeper, by encouraging anyone who is  being abused to seek safety and help.

God bless you and keep you safe!

Your friend In Christ,

Bridget