Beauty:4 principles for Raising grounded girls.

Do you want to raise daughters who know their value and worth, without turning them into brats? Do you want them to appreciate their God-given beauty, without being self-absorbed? That’s my hope and prayer too! So, how do we raise well grounded, balanced daughters in a “Selfie Stick” world? As a mother of two daughters, this is a question I grapple with often, especially when I see some of my own hangups rubbing off on my girls. This has led me to dig a bit deeper, to find guiding principles from God’s Word.

Who sets the standards?

Beauty is one of those loaded, and emotionally charged words! Its standards are so fickle and ever-moving. Many mothers have had  life time struggles, trying to measure up to a mirage-like standard of beauty. We are either exhausted from trying to keep up with these unattainable standards, or we feel defeated and give up altogether.

Social media has its functions in the way we communicate today.  However, it’s also a wide open platform that feeds into our obsession with  looks.   To me, the “selfie stick” is the greatest symbol of how self-centered our world has become. This is the culture we live in and complaining about it will not change it. It is well within our power, however, to change how these warped views affect our self perception.

Personal Journey of struggle.

Part of my  journey of healing has involved taking an honest look at how I view myself. No matter what I verbally teach my daughters, how I view myself has a bigger impact on how they view themselves.  My grandparents, raised me, so my earliest and deepest influence was from my grandmother. In my books, she is one of the most beautiful women I know. She never wore a drop of make up, but she was as confident and joyful as they come! She carried herself with the poise of a true African Princess ( she was a chief’s daughter) and gave of herself daily, to her family, church and community.

My foundation was solid, but some where along the way, my view of beauty shifted. I picked up this idea that thinner is better, to my grand mother’s horror! She did her best to remind me I didn’t come from ‘ thin’, but from ‘curvy and healthy’. She took the time to teach me to love my body and embrace who God had created me to be. It’s been a life long struggle between embracing myself, and chasing the ideal. My grand mother’s words of wisdom are a constant reminder of how God views me. Now that I’m a mother, getting my act together is no longer an option. I continue to do the hard work of aligning my thoughts to what is true, for my girls sake and mine.

Dirty ( not so secret) little secrets from a Makeup Artist and a Model.

I recently watched a TED talk  by a Makeup Artist, Eva DeVirgilis. She works with women from all walks of life. Eva relates how, within 3 seconds, almost every single woman who sits in her make up chair apologizes for the way she looks! Regardless of age,race, economic background or social status, almost every woman feels she doesn’t measure up to the new standards of beauty.

The only exception, in Eva’s experience is a small percentage of women.

• The first group consists of those who have allowed themselves the pleasure of living in the moment. They wear make up but don’t apologize for their looks nor do they measure themselves by the mirror.
• The second group consists of elderly or terminally ill women. They are very aware of their mortality. They are glad to sit in the make up chair for some pampering, and then off they go to live life on their “borrowed time.”

What a tragedy that we as women have to wait till we are 96 years old, or terminally ill, to appreciate the beauty that God has so graciously adorned us with!

The second TED talk was by a Model, Cameron Russell. She revealed how insecure she was, though she was a successful model.

• Her goal was to share an important message with women: It takes an entire construction team to come up with the images in magazines. Makeup Artists, photographers  and post production units construct and produce the angelic, drop dead beauties we envy.  This isn’t such a secret because most of us know that already!
• The issue with those ideals is that they are so unreal, not even the models can live up to the standard.  And yet, we admire those images and sometimes just about kill ourselves trying to look like them!

Our Secret weapon against lies.

Somebody is lying to us and lies can only be combated by the truth. The truth about WHO we are and WHY we are. Two key passages of Scripture address these two truths. They are my go- to secret weapons, as I learn to live a healed, joyful and  balanced life.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. Psalm 139:14

Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30

Here are 4 Biblical principles that can guide us in raising  beautiful godly daughters ,who know their value.

These  D.E.A.R principles are a reminder of how dear we are to God.

1. Develop a heart of gratitude: (I will Praise you... )

• The beauty God gave you is a reason to let your praise and gratitude ring.
• The praise is to be directed back to God who gave it to you. I praise YOU Lord, not me.

2. Embrace your uniqueness : (I am fearfully and wonderfully made….)

• You are a result of a Stroke Genius. God so intricately put you together, you are one of a kind. Never to be repeated!
• God calls you by name and He knows you inside out. You are not a random act.Every cell of your body was planned for and knitted together by His divine hand .
• You were created in God’s image and fashioned to portray His love.
• Own your style. Wear (with decency)what flatters your body. Celebrate the gift of femininity with no excuses.
• And yes, recognize the unique beauty of others too. All of God’s work is marvelous, different and colorful.

3. Accept that outward beauty fades. (Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing.)

• Outward beauty fades with age. It can also instantly change with circumstance. You have to have something deeper to hang on to.
• God has biologically wired us to recognize beauty. That’s why we go “wow” when we see a stunning sunset or a flower. But just like a flower, our physical beauty fades. The lie is not in acknowledging beauty . The lie is in the belief that outward beauty is to be prized and favored way over inner beauty.
• The other end of the spectrum is also just as deceptive. Plain or frumpy doesn’t always equal godliness.
• Be kind to your body and it will work well for you. Exercise, good nutrition , rest and all the good old habits that will keep your body working for you.

4. Remember to honor the Lord. (But a woman who fears the Lord…)

• Worship God with your body. Honor him with all He has give you. Let your outer beauty complement the real you. Let the real you be a portrait faith, hope and love.
• As your outer beauty fades,let you beautiful character thrive and shine even brighter. That beautiful God-fearing Character is what is praiseworthy.

The Word of God has many more weapons to combat the lie of the devil about who we are and our value. So how do we raise well grounded beauties in the “selfie stick world” ? We turn to the God’s guiding principles and let them lead us. We soak our hearts in God’s wisdom. As it changes us, we can have hope for our daughters too.